What is the kindest thing that anyone has ever done for you?

Expectations 

The MiB Team had decided that with our first Make it Better Table (MiBT) of Spring, we wanted it to be a ‘lighter’ session, which we thought would guarantee that people walked away with a ‘spring’ in their step. The question we decided on was What is the kindest thing that anyone has ever done for you? 

The beauty of the question was that it was disarming, would help people remove their capes and hopefully bring everyone into a space of gratitude and reflection.  

What happened next was beyond what we expected.  

Experience 

Col set the scene with the welcoming rituals, and his acknowledgement of country reflected on the difficult space we were in as a nation with the imminent referendum on the Voice to Parliament. He expressed a shared hope that we wanted the result to contribute to a good story that Indigenous elders in the present and the future could tell.  

What occurred next was both light and deep, moving, and enlightening for the unique group of people who had gathered to make a full table on the Grand Final public holiday eve.  

The initial story of kindness was of an ongoing, relational kindness of a mentor opening their lives to express compassion, empathy and love to one of the Table participants. Then followed some lighter, smaller stories of kindness, which was a sign of people reaching into their memories and bringing to light some gems. Another story was of a couple moving into a new parish, and the members of their faith community pitching in to secure them a house deposit.  

There were instances of people having the chance to reflect on their past and recognise acts of kindness that had gone – not unnoticed – but the depth of the kindness shown to them had been initially lost.  

Another story of was of how a dad drove his daughter to and from the school every day for many years where she studied and he taught and, in her own words, listened to her “prattle on and on.” As she had matured over the years, she recognised that as an act of deep kindness. Tears had begun to flow, and they continued as another member recounted the story of his dad building him a car from scratch – which he a few years later sold without recognising the kindness embodied in the car. There, at the Table, it dawned on him that this was his dad’s ‘love language’, of which he was only just appreciating the depths. He resolved to show his appreciation to his elderly dad while he could, with the encouragement of others around him to do so.  

It wasn’t just ‘experienced’ members of the Table telling vulnerable stories; a newer member spoke deeply of a difficult family situation where kindness was shown in a non-verbal and powerful way.   

There was a reflection that “real kindness costs”, and the next story was an example of that as one of our members spoke of being ‘released’ from a relationship to live an authentic life by his long-term partner, at a significant cost to that person.  By now, most of the Table were experiencing tears as these stories showed kindness in many shapes and forms 

Kindness, it seems, is partially learnt and modelled – people spoke of their parents inviting people who had no place to go for Christmas to their family Christmas celebrations and continuing that practice in their own lives. Another example was of someone relating an anecdote of being approached by a stranger in a supermarket and told that they looked ‘lovely’,  

While kindness doesn’t make the news, this Table reminded all present that it’s happening all around us.  We were also reminded that “If you need to go deeper, keep it light.” There was a sense that we had all experienced an extended moment of deep emotion, thankfulness and sharing in a communal reawakening to the kindness that flows through the world. 

Outcomes 

The immediate outcome was that the conversation had acted as a prompt to look for kindness (“being open every day to seeing the acts of kindness around us.”), to practice it and to ensure that we weren’t operating from an ‘empty well.’ A common theme was that people were going to express their thanks to people who had shown kindness to them in ways those people could best receive. 

There was also an appreciation for the role the MiBT played in people’s lives, with members expressing “What an amazing space this is, that people can be safe and vulnerable” and imagining what could happen “if people had these conversations all the time?”